A creative milestone

And a productivity revelation

My book isn’t here, but it’s getting closer. Photo by Tom Hermans on Unsplash

First of all: hi! I’m back. Second of all: I submitted by book manuscript! It was three years, one pandemic, and several life- and deadline-derailing health issues in the making. I still have many months of work ahead of me, but I made it past the first, and hopefully hardest, step. Finally.

I’ve been asked about my book writing process by some of you, and I’ve struggled with what to say because the truth of it feels so boring. Especially in last year, my process hasn’t been determined by any overarching, semi-mystical philosophy or depended on any life hacks or productivity tricks. The only thing that mattered to my ability to write was if I was taking the right dose of thyroid medication. If I wasn’t, I couldn’t write. If I was, I could, and I did. Writing and finishing my manuscript didn’t happen because I organized my to-do list just so, or I stuck to a schedule, or I got off social media, or even because I had a deadline (previously my ultimate motivator). It happened because, and only when, I was adequately medicated.

So you probably won’t be surprised to hear I’ve stopped consuming, much less producing, the kind of productivity advice and creativity musings I once couldn’t get enough of. None of it has seemed relevant to my recent circumstances, in ways I found more and more enraging as the months passed. Now that I’m feeling better more consistently, though, I’ve wondered if I’ll want to go back to productivity culture, if I’ll one day need it again. And then I heard something this week that may have broken the spell for good.

As a guest host on The Ezra Klein Show, Tressie McMillam Cottom interviewed Pooja Lakshmin, psychiatrist and author of Real Self-Care. The book, which I’m looking forward to reading, explores the failures of commodified and individualized forms of “faux self-care” (supplements, candles, anything a wellness influencer wants to sell you) and outlines what true self-care can look and feel like (hint: it can’t be purchased, and it’s usually uncomfortable). The whole interview is fascinating, but the part I had to listen to several times to really take it in comes toward the beginning. From the transcript:

Lakshmin: When I describe the faux self-care, I’m saying that is what we’re kind of rolling our eyes at. That is the essential oils. That’s the turmeric lattes, the bullet journals, the whatever.

McMillam Cottom: Oh, the bullet journals. I’ve bullet journaled so many times. Okay, yeah, the bullet journals.

Lakshmin: [Faux self-care] is something you get from the outside. It’s something that you buy. It’s something that you do. Usually, your hopes are really high. And I think actually the bullet journals are interesting because it’s a specific very smart person that isn’t going to fall for the essential oils, but you are going to believe that if you get that right bullet journal system that your whole world will no longer feel like chaos. And that you will be in control.

McMillam Cottom: You are calling out my stationery addiction with a precision that I find disturbing. But yes, okay.

Lakshmin: The productivity panacea is, I think, the erudite version of wellness.

At this point, McMillam Cottom audibly gasps, and I did to. The erudite version of wellness. That’s exactly what productivity culture is, that’s exactly how it got me, and that’s exactly why it began to feel so empty as soon as I had a big problem. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to go back to it now. But having learned this truth, I’m pretty sure I won’t need to.